Grandma flips out after 30-year-old daughter-in-law requests she stops criticizing her parenting in front of her 3-year-old son: 'She told me that I was being too lenient'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 16, 2025 6:00 PM EST

One of the more annoying things about being a parent that isn't caused by the kids is that once you have children, it can seem like everybody has an opinion on how you should be raising them. Moms in particular face a whole heap of judgment even before their kids are born, and it only gets more intense from there on out. The truth is, there are many different parenting styles out there, and the best that most parents can do is find a balance between them that helps their children grow up to be the happiest and most well-regulated that they can be.

Unfortunately, this struggle does nothing to stop outsiders from giving their two cents every five seconds. This can be a common source of conflict with family members, especially older ones. Having raised a different generation, they often feel like the parents of today don't know what they're doing.

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    via Alex Harvey

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  • One mom of a 3-year-old son found herself growing increasingly tired of her mother-in-law continually trying to tell her how to parent. She had been pushy ever since her pregnancy was announced, but the final straw came when the toddler had a tantrum at a family gathering because he lost his teddy. In front of other family members, Grandma insisted that Mom was too lenient in handling it, leading to her daughter-in-law taking her aside later and asking her to stop trying to control her parenting. It's no surprise that she took this the wrong way, and the mom was left wondering if she went too far.

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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my mother-in-law she can't criticize my parenting in front of my kid?

    I (30F) have been married to my husband Kieran (34M) for four years and we have one son together (3). My mother-in-law Christie is one of those people who doesn't seem to have ever grown out of the mentality that her son is in fact a grown man with a family of his own, and can be very overbearing at times but I've known for the most part, that she means well. She was very vocal through my pregnancy about what I should do and everything etc, and a lot of it was valuable as first time parents - bu
    via North-District-1634
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    A few days ago, we were at a family gathering when my son threw a tantrum because he'd lost his favourite teddy. I was handling it calmly and found the toy, but my mother-in-law stepped in and started criticizing my approach right in front of everyone. She told me that I was being too lenient and that my son would grow up spoiled if I didn't discipline him properly. This seemed utterly ludicrous to me considering that not only is it mine and my husband's decision how we parent our son, but he's
    via North-District-1634
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    I was embarrassed and frustrated because it was in front of a bunch of family members, but I pulled her aside later and asked her directly if she could take a step back from trying to control both my marriage and parenting. She got very frustrated with me and started telling me that I needed to be more patient (real change of tune there Christie - thought I needed to be more strict and direct?) and that she was clearly only trying to help. I understand that she probably is acting with the best o
    via North-District-1634
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    Commenters were on the mom's side.

    Mizzo2 NTA, and next time call out the hypocrisy! Be more understanding with a grown woman than a toddler who lost their toy? Ask her why she should get more understanding than a 3yo. Make her answer. More importantly, your husband (not you- his monkey, his circus) needs to set boundaries that have consequences. No more of this "hey mom try to not come over as often" soft approach. He needs to say "mother. We will no longer be accepting unplanned visits. If you would like to come over you need t
    via MizZo2
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    houseonpost NTA: But your husband should be the one standing up for you. You and your husband should discuss how often she can visit. And tell her she can no longer just show up. If she does show up without prior arrangements just don't answer the door. Time to establish some boundaries.
    via houseonpost
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    Belaani52 And if she's got a key, change the locks.
    via Belaani52
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    gevander2 NTA but don't assume she has the best of intentions. Her intent, clearly demonstrated, is to tell you what to do and how to do it. She wants "patience" from you while she lays down the law and you follow her instructions. It's time for you and Kieran to lay down the law instead - "our child, our rules." If you don't like our rules, you can keep quiet until we are alone and then she can suggest an alternative. But if we turn it down, that is the end of the discussion. Then you and Kiera
    via gevander2
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    Blue-Being22 you can keep quiet until we are alone... Honestly, I don't even know if I'd give her that option. She's clearly of that old school shame-and-berate style of parenting when three-year-olds plain Do Not have the capacity to self- regulate. Their brains and development are just not there yet. Instead, they need calm and steady help to regulate, which is what it seems like OP did. A child will not get spoiled by a mindful and present parent who can help them learn to stabilize their emo
    via Blue-Being22
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    kem81 NTA. You took her to the side and told her. You didn't blast her in front of everyone like she was doing to you. It sounds like you just reminded her of her role as grandma and not parent. If you haven't already. You may want to have another chat with your husband and let him know it's time to rein in his mom again. You may even have to sit her down and set clear boundaries after talking with your husband. Then stick to them.
    via kem81
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    nemesismorana NTA. If she tries to deny wrongdoing, bring up examples. If she still refuses to respect you as a parent, wife and adult, mention to husband that you and son are limiting contact with MIL until she steps back and minds her own business. Husband needs to step up to him mum more and back you up. Her behaviour cannot keep going unchecked and she needs to know there are consequences to her overbearing, unsolicited butting in.
    via nemesismorana
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    iwantaponytoo NNNNNNOPE. She needed to be put in her place, you did exactly the right thing. Her style of parenting is irrelevant- you are the parent, you decide on your child's upbringing. He's NOT her second son; he's her grandchild and she should be guided by you how to deal with behaviours. Nip it in the bud now- without reining her in you'll have lots of attempted interference later. Believe me- I know lol NTA
    via iwantaponytoo
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    WatercressSea9660 NTA If she ever scolds you in public for how you manage your child again, do it back to her. Something like "You've already raised your child. If you feel like you didn't do a good enough job, go speak with him about it."
    via WatercressSea9660
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    Frankensteins_Kid NTA MIL already raised a son, this one's yours. Also, your husband should've stepped up. When your MIL was critisizing you in front of everyone, what was your husband's reaction to that? Did he just watch in silent and let it happen? If yes, that's concerning. You're his wife, he should've stood up for you. And that's his mom, he should've been the one pulling her aside and set clear boundaries.
    via Frankensteins_Kid
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    SatisfactionWitty307 NTA. This type of interruption while disciplining your child wether that discipline is soft or strict will lead to your child not respecting or listening to you in the future. In my experience people who do this are looking for that exact result; to drive a wedge in the relationship between the parents and between parent and child.
    via SatisfactionWitty307
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    pinekneedle She sees herself as being promoted into a management position since she is the mother of a parent. Obviously someone, preferably her son, needs to lay down the law with her and tell her to keep her opinions to herself unless asked... no matter how much she disagrees with your parenting. She needs to follow the rules or not see her grandchild. She will of course be distraught by this but stand firm. ΝΤΑ
    via pinekneedle
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    Majestic Shoe5175 Call her out next time in front of everyone. As the mother of son I have the discipline all taken care of mil. If I ever feel like I need help I'll ask for it. Saying something to her alone after the fact is letting her get away with it and she'll continue to do it. ΝΤΑ
    via Majestic_Shoe5175
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    iowaiseast Your problem isn't your MIL. Your problem is your husband. He's still mentally living with his mother. ΝΤΑ
    via iowaieast
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    LeaJadis All you have to tell her is that "you hear her and you respect her opinion, but you disagree. This is your child. You are the mother and the next time she disrespects you in-front of your child is the last time she will ever see him." Then you pick him up and walk away from that mic drop. NTAH
    via LeaJadis
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    faxmachine13 Ohh I no. It's one thing if she wanted to talk to you about it later (still not her place really, but I could get it if you've taken advice from her in the past), but to berate you in front of a bunch of people like a child? That's a hard no from me. Your husband absolutely needs to be handling this, and putting some hard boundaries as well. Including, I think, a limit on visits and no more just popping over
    via faxmachine13
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    GrumpyGirl426 I'd ask her what she meant about your need to be more patient. With her? With your son? If she says your son ask her to explicitly describe how you could be more patient but also less lenient. If her, consider saying something along the lines of being too lenient could lead to spoiling her. You want to practice the approach with her, before changing your parenting approach. How old is she? Does she often contradict herself? Might she be losing brain function due to age, disease, or
    via GrumpyGirl426
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    CPSue You handled this beautifully by taking her aside and not responding in kind in front of the group. Well done! NTA Perhaps it's in the way you worded it, but it seems you asked her to take a step back. If it really went down this way, I suggest you get more direct and tell her how it's going to be. Don't ask for anything. You are telling her what she may or may not do. Of course, your husband really needs to be the one to set clear limits and consequences with his mother, but we all know th
    via CPSue
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    JBW66 1. Your husband needs to do a better job of setting clear boundaries. His hints aren't working, so he needs to stop hinting and tell her clearly when, and for how long she can visit. He also needs to tell her that comments regarding how you parent will result in her being told to leave, and jeopardise future visits. If you're visiting her, similar comments will result in you and your child leaving. None of this should be said to her privately, everyone should know what the rules are. Talki
    via JBW66

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